What If There Is More Stress at Home since My Treatments Ended?
Transitions, whether good or bad, bring stress. A change in job, marriage status, number of children in the home, living arrangements, or stage of schooling brings stress. Completing treatment marks a significant transition. There are decisions and adjustments to make and uncertainties to face. Everyone’s role and responsibilities may change. The routine that was established during the course of treatment may now be altered.
Since aggressive treatment is now over, repressed emotions may come to the surface. For the first time, family members may express anger, frustration, fear, and depression. They would not allow themselves to feel pessimistic, anxious, or depressed while you were sick, because they felt they had to be “up” for everyone’s sake. Now that you are out of danger, they feel they can “let down” and allow all the pent-up feelings to come out.
Everyone is tired after your ordeal. When people are tired, they are less patient, less rational, less understanding.
If Members of My Family Seem Overly Concerned about Their Own Health, What Should I Do?
A family member with a possible medical problem should be encouraged to undergo evaluation by a trusted doctor as soon as possible. Remind him or her that an objective professional evaluation is in everyone’s best interest whether or not a significant problem exists. They will either get attention to a problem when it is most treatable or be reassured that no significant problem exists.
If family members seem too concerned about their diet, environmental exposures, or levels of stress, validate their health concerns as a normal aftereffect of living with cancer and its treatment. Family members’ attention to their lifestyle is one way for them to regain a sense of control over their health.
How Do I Deal with Other People?
You have to take the lead in teaching family, friends, and acquaintances how best to help you and deal with you. Be direct. Tell people,
•”I appreciate your asking how I’m doing” or “It would make it easier if you didn’t ask me how I’m doing all the time, and let me tell you when something is happening, or when I feel like talking.”
•”I still need help doing things and appreciate your willingness to continue to help me” or “I feel that I can do things myself now, and I feel better when you encourage me to do things
myself.”
•”It helps me to talk about my cancer experience and the issues with which I’m now dealing” or “It helps me not to talk about my cancer experience and to try to focus on other things.”
•”I need space and quiet time” or “I need company and activities.”
What helps you or hurts you may change from day to day, or even hour to hour. Sometimes you may not be sure what you want or need. Let your friends and family know that you appreciate their concern and recognize that it is sometimes hard to know how to relate.
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